In the age of dating apps and clicking and swiping, many people are craving the opportunity to meet people organically again. Call me old-fashioned, but there is just something romantic and exciting about meeting people “IRL”, “in real life”. Don’t get me wrong, there is absolutely nothing wrong with meeting people through dating apps. If anything, the popularity of dating apps has risen considerably in the last several years. In a recent study, more than 50% of adults under age 30 were reported to be using or have used dating apps, and for adults between the ages of 30 and 49, that number was 37%.

However, meeting in people in real life definitely has many perks. For starters, you’re more likely to have something in common, whether that is a mutual friend, or liking the same coffee shop or bookstore, or having a shared hobby. It also gives you the opportunity to get to know someone without the pretense of actively pursuing a romantic relationship. I find that I tend to be less judgmental and a better listener when I’m meeting someone first in a non-date setting, since while despite my best efforts to not do so, I do tend to keep a mental checklist on dates and I ask rather pointed questions.

Meeting people in real life also doesn’t need to be for only romantic connections! You can meet great friends this way, and you would be surprised at the amazing connections you can stumble upon just by putting yourself out there. Here are a couple of ways to get started:

1) Go to Your Friends’ Events

Your friend has a birthday party coming up? Someone’s hosting a board game night? Invited to a wedding but don’t have a plus one? These are all great opportunities to meet new people! And better yet, you may have a shared interest-namely, your mutual friend or friends. This is a great way to utilize your existing connections to form new connections. And “worst” case scenario, you make some new acquaintances that can later turn to friends or potentially who could introduce you to other connections. If you’re looking to actively make new connections, stick by it and put yourself out there!

The only downside about events with your friends is that you’re more likely to simply chat and hang out with people you already know. Something I think that can be helpful is to give yourself a goal. For example, tell yourself that you will introduce yourself to three new people tonight, or have a friend introduce you to three new people if you’re shy! Triadic closure is a concept in social network theory that describes the scenario where friendships are most likely formed when there is a mutual friend in common.

2) Join a Class or Develop a New Hobby

This is definitely my favorite way to meet people because, well guess what? You and this person probably already have something in common! I may be biased, because as a dancer, I have met both friends and romantic interests through dance groups and dance classes.

Picking the right activity is very important too! I remember telling my therapist once upon a time that I wasn’t meeting anyone. She asked me what I was doing at the time, and I told her I was figure skating and art and some writing at home. She said, “You’ll never meet someone with such solitary activities! You have to do something that forces you to interact with others!” And she was absolutely right. Fast forward a couple of months later, and I took my first Brazilian zouk class. My life had forever been changed at that moment.

It’s crucial that you select an activity or a hobby (that you also like of course!) that requires you to interact with other people. Some good examples are social dance classes, cooking classes, fun art or craft classes (keep in mind more formal art classes tend to be more antisocial), or sports groups! And don’t feel like you have to limit yourself to one! Take that free intro acroyoga class in your nearby park, use that gift card for that pottery class at your local studio, and take up those discounted tango lessons that your friend of a friend goes to. There are endless possibilities, and until you find one that sticks, keep trying. If you don’t find anyone, hey, at least you found a great hobby that brings you joy. And at the end of it, all happiness is equal whether or not that includes a romantic partner.

3) Join a Meetup or a Singles Group

In this day and age of technology, everyone is using apps to also make connections. Meetup and Bumble BFF are two apps that are popular for finding people who may share similar interests. Instagram and Facebook are a gold mine of advertising for events geared towards singles of all age ranges. Try searching to see if there is a singles group near you and you may be pleasantly surprised by the amount of people who are just like you searching for a connection. And if you live in a small town, try searching for the nearest urban area. There are even virtual groups out there for people just to chat and engage without having to meet in person. (This goes without saying, but please be careful when giving out any personal information when engaging with people online!)

Several years ago, I joined a Meetup group for escape room games, and while I didn’t make any long-lasting connections from that experience, I was glad I did it! Everyone was very nice and welcoming, and as a bonus I enjoyed quite a few escape rooms with some nicely discounted tickets given our larger groups. During the Covid-19 pandemic, when everyone was shut away from all social activities in person, I joined a Discord group for aspiring indie artists. In the group, we would often share our art and what we were working at the time. Artists would also often stream live videos of their work in progress which I especially liked at the time. I would work on my art alongside them and chat with them while working, making the whole experience feel a lot less lonely. There are all kinds of groups out there, so before you think that one of your interests may be too niche, go ahead and do a search! You may be pleasantly surprised by how many people may share the same interests as you.

4) Check out Your Local Coffee Shop or Cafe

Always wanted to check out that hipster coffee shop a couple of blocks from your workplace? Have a cafe in mind that makes the most amazing fresh bread in town and attracts customers from near or far? People tend to gather in coffee shops and cafes, and some of them are… well, alone. It’s much harder to approach a group and try to make conversation than it is with a stranger one on one. There are several ways to approach people in cafes. One of best ways is while you’re waiting in line to order. Something simple could be just asking the person in front of you what they’re ordering. Not to mention baristas in local coffee shops tend to be very friendly and are usually open to being chatted up.

Most people also go to coffee shops to work on something, whether it’s a slide deck for work, a good book, or art. One time I was at a coffee shop, I saw a man working on his digital art on a tablet. I had been thinking about purchasing one for a while and so I approached him and asked him about his experience with the tablet. We started getting really engaged in conversation and then went through some of his latest digital art pieces. We exchanged social media and still message each other about art stuff once in a while. This continues to one of my favorite memories meeting people in real life, as he was definitely someone I would have never met if I had just stuck to my normal social circles.

I want to make a point here that as a more natural extrovert-learning person, I understand that it’s likely easier for me to chat up a stranger than it is for a lot of people. For those who are a little more introverted, this may not be the best way to meet people, but I wanted to include it as an option, especially if you are someone who works from home or spends a lot of time working on a laptop or tablet. Instead of working from “home” home, try a coffee shop sometime and see if maybe you might make a connection with someone! You never know what opportunities await you if you approach them with an open mind!

5) Volunteer

Want to do something good for the community and also want to make it a social activity? Volunteer at your local food bank, library, recreation center, or charity event. The possibilities are endless as there are countless places looking for an extra pair of helping hands. Some good places to look would be your city’s official website or just Googling “volunteering events near me”. Volunteering events are great to because they are self-selecting. Only people who want to volunteer will volunteer! That means, for the most part, the people volunteering are those who are generous and kind, meaning that they will could potentially be either a good friend or partner to you!

Not only will you likely meet people you wouldn’t meet otherwise, but at the end of the day, you should feel good about yourself! After all, you just went out and spent time to make someone’s day a little brighter, and your community a little better.

These are just a few ways to get out there and meet people IRL, but there are many others! Keep in mind that while romantic relationships or platonic friendships can be fulfilling, enjoy the process of meeting new people without focusing on the end results. At the end of the day, think of each experience as an opportunity for self-growth and self-love. Do the activities you want to do, go to the places you’ve always wanted to explore. Putting yourself out there in world instead of hiding behind a screen on the apps can be intimidating. But I believe in you! Now let’s go out there and meet some people!!